i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize