My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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