I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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