Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I can't put those talents on a resume
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize