we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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