watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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