My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're too hungover to prance.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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