I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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