you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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