drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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