Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize