***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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