Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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