the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize