I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
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When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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