Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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