woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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