you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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