The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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