A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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