waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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