I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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