dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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