jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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