OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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