Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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