im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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