bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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