my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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