i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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