u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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