remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize