So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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