it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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