names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize