i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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