How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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