I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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