The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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