I'm sorry my penis didn't work
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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