I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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