Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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