he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize