Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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