Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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