I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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