Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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