Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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