Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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