You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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