YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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