How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize